What's Going On - Part 1
To be able to Love is a Gift. God has gifted it to me in huge amounts.
He has granted me a huge Heart to be able to give Love to everyone around me;
And on the other side, to be able to swallow the pain that comes out of not getting back enough Love.
Nevertheless, I feel blessed for the first part - and that it's good enough.
If I try to achieve you, I'll be bad to others.
If I don't, I'll be bad to myself.
What choice do I have - inspite of the fact that it's not something I can control?
They say it's not what we think that makes our character, rather it's our choices that reveal the true colors.
I tried to get sick and tired and bored of you by talking to you all the time.
But it seems I can't have enough of you.
I think I should stop telling you how I feel - because I feel I'm facing the corner of a locked-room, and talking to a Wall.
I really do feel that way, that I'm so very idiotic - I never get any response, I never can expect to get any.
Finally I tried to get you to speak of the one you Love.
Now that seems to hurt.
And it seems to be working...
I no more feel like being with you, for it pains to hear how much you Love him.
I no more want to get hold of you, for it's intolerable to know you adore him.
I no more wish to play games (not that I ever have), for I can't bear to see you or him in pain.
The point is to give you What You Want. If it's him, so be it.
But, Sweetheart, don't ask me to give up. Even if I want to, I can't.
I hope you understand, I hope everyone understands. I can't. I don't want to.
Sometimes I wonder...if the Pain of Love is so sweet, how about Love itself.
Maybe...Fulfilled love is extreme happiness, indeed!